A Feeling I Never Thought I'd Feel... Ever

Maya, her friend Rowan, Emily, Hunter, James and I all went to get slurpies. We searched for pop bottles with our names on them, and James found one that said "Jiley- The Next Step" on it. He bought it, and said he's going to keep it. That made me feel... special. So, when everybody began leaving, James said goodbye to me and he hugged me. I never have felt him hug me in forever it seems. I really miss him hugging me, and it feeling normal. When he left, I just thought, "I wish this felt normal. Like it happens everyday." But, it doesn't. James hugging me doesn't feel normal. It feels so different, like it never happens. I just really miss when James hugging, and touching me felt normal. I wish last night with Rowan I would have hugged him when I had the chance to. I wish I had done what I now regret not doing.

I wish this was normal. I wish this is what I was used to. I wish this is what I felt I had. This is what  I got, I'd be so lucky. It would be unimaginable. I wish James and I were normal. I wish Jiley felt real, and like it happened everyday. Where did it go? Where did everybody go? Where did James who loved me and hugged me go? I haven't felt this way in a while. As in, I never have been hugged by him in a while. But, I've never felt the way I do right now from him. I've never felt neglected and unloved by him. Never. This may have changed everything...